I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
