I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize