I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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