I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
