I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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