Kiss
Puke
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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