I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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