see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
