You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
