he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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