it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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