To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
