I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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