im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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