hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
