Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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