Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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