Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
