there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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