Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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