I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
