someone threw a dead crab at me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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