i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Too much gin, very little bucket
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
