yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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