I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
sex in a hospital.. check
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
