when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am one with the molecules
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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