I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
