we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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