I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
