Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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