I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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