so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
