I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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