I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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