dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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