GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
