i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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