I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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