nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
