I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
