apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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