Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i out mim tonsoeep
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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