i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
