I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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