Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
