No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
