I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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