3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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