my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
