she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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