I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
