from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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