i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
