he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Semen is not good for contacts.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
