I'm so fucking centered right now
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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