Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think my moral compass just broke
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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