so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
