Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
