If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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