I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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