allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
