You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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