it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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