Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
